Happy Birthday JANE!

theres soo much to talk about! first is like i hope you're doing well! i've seen you once or twice throughout this semester! heheheh.. Miss me? hehe jaykay! i dunno im really happy today. i guess i finished my exams today!

Lifes good now!

My birthday present for you today is Im officially done. When i think about you, which is rarely now, i smile cause i know you're happy now. Im over you. that sounds really bad im sorry but now i can move on! happy birthday to you! and Merry christmas to me! Best of luck with your future! hehehehheheh

-Jeffrey Chan (:

MY COUSIN

SOOO CUTE WHAT A CUTEY PIE!
Him and his wife are sooo cute! (:

This weekend

This weekend was interesting, jason and vanessa came to visit! well jason came for me and vanessa came for kenny. but it was interesting because i dont think jason and i really bonded that well before like in a long time. jason and i talked.. it was interseting cause it's like girl talk but like we talk about our lives as we try to fall asleep well i was trying to fall asleep atleast lol. we started to talk 230ish in the morning andt hen talked until 5-530 in the morning. it was a very good talk i dont know why but we talked about many things that were going on in my mind. such as i dont understand how people like me so much well not like in a romantic way but like i guess alot of people like me cause "im really likable." well i guess cause im quite good friends with my roommates i guess.

theres this girl that is one of my roommate's friend and she is like going through a recuperation of a break up and i guess im jsut like trying to help her. i dont see her more than a friend and i like that cause i like listening. but people jsut dont really like sharing with me (: im fine with that lol. i dont know whtat im saying but she's an intersting friend. im just listening and i dont think that he is worth her time.

but i am similar-ish to that dude. cause like i have done things that hurt my ex alot. and i dont know how to compensate for it though i want to. sometimes i dont know what im doing life.  well i have a sense of life direction. i know what i wanna do...

i enjoy life. im happy. but i miss the past sometimes. i love. i hate. Love Hate. they're not opposites.

Road to Apathy. Here i go.

A Thousand Years

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave?
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone,
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Talking

Been talking about letting go the whole time but the moment i think about something related to her, i would get pissed off and stuff. but like now today i looked at something and i was like "haha that's cute" i smiled. had this peace of mind and a peace of heart. im happy for them actually i support them. though i may not have enjoyed it in the beginning, but at the end of the day i am extremely happy for them. (:

Life is much better when there is time to breathe. When suffocation if over.

Time Machine.

If the time machine actually existed, what would you do?

Life would be so easy for the person who has it. But is it fair? If everyone had a time machine, the world would be so retarded by now. I wonder if anyone would go back to the Jurassic Era... lol they would be eaten on the spot and there would be a fossil of the time machine long later and which the whole course of history would change on the spot. because once something is shifted, everything in the world shifts.  it's really interesting eh?

I dont know if i want a time machine. actually maybe.  where would i go... i don't know. i think i would go back to my childhood and actually study and shit like that cause life would be much easier by now... well i wouldnt be in this school, i would prolly be in a better school. i would also be without my bestfriends now. so i dont know. my life is good now why change it. i may still be going thru a bit of a rough moment but at the end of the day, i chose this path and i gotta suck it up and deal with it (:

imma get a hamster! havent had the time to go out and buy it yet but im so excited! i think this week or next week would do! actually this weekend! i will go to the pet store and buy a hamster! (: 

Hopefully he/she wont die in my care (:

WHAT am i Doing?

past week i've been dreaming these dreams... it goes all well and then i see my ex. some reason in each dream i fk her and after i would ask her to break up with her bf.

you know they say, our dreams are our deepest desires because it enters into our subconsciousness. i would admit, i do have sexual urges quite frequently but it only seems to be for only one person. like i always have this urge to fk my ex. and it's soo bad because she has another bf.

Whats wrong with me? it seemed to real and when i woke up, my heart chipped off abit.

What am i doing.

fascinating

fascinating.. gotta find new friends? feel like i got excluded from the bestest friends i ever had. for the first 2 years. but it seems like they only liked me because of my ex i assume now. i dont get it. am i not a good friend then?

whatever. life is life. it moves on, if they dont treat me like how i feel about them, then i guess they are not what i think they are anymore. things change people change and i will change i guess. 

nobody said it was easy but i love it. because it's not easy and i want a challenge in life now. 

whatever it is that is infront of me, COME AT ME BRO

blank.

recently i have been struggling with many things. mainly i guess is that i have been developing seriously huge urges but somehow i've been suppressing it pretty well.. but im scared i'll explode soon.. eheheh sounds really weird.. lol

WHATS THE MATTER WITH ME?!

confession.

I am filled with anger and hatred against someone i dont even know.

i've imagined what if i saw him?

i thought of beating the shit out of him. no joke.

For Sure

No matter how many moments i have,

Each time i realize the same thing,

That she's gone and theres no way that i can get her back anymore...

Well at this point...

Thats For Sure.

Lately i've been feeling really lonely.

When in fact there were people around me.

Everything inside started to disappear.

Am I ending life soon? Do i have no more purpose?

Who Am I?

Im a Dumbo thats for sure.

I think back;

The memories make me happy.

The realization that it is not real anymore terrifies me.

The reminder that she's with someone hurts yet comforts.

The Sure Thing is I love her with all my heart.

But will that love be enough? That is the unsure.

Where?

Where can I find such a good girl?

Why did i let go?

I want her back.

Where can i find such a great girl?

by your side

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching
As if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

'Cause I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

'Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, yeah I'll love you
I'll never let you go, no, no

And I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Here at my side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Here at my side, my hands are holding you

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need 

And give me your life
The lust and the lies
And the past you're afraid I might see
You've been running away from me, yeah 

You're my beloved lover
I'm yours
And Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me
It's a mystery 

Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need 

I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Oh, come running home to me, yeah

You're my beloved lover
I'm yours
And Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me, yeah

You've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers that won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips and you'll taste new life

You're my beloved lover
I'm yours
And Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My love it unites us and it binds you to me
It's a mystery


imma just add abit of stuff here hehehehe... this is an old post... but meh... heheh i like writing alot ofthings that usually isnt noticed... lol

i miss her lots. but meh.. i cant do anything anyways..

my sister said do i regret anything about this relationship,
i dont. hehe

im done just remembered so imma jot it here cause this is my journal heheh blog... heheheh

Missed Her.

Haha! MY SISTER IS BACK!

missed her. didnt believe and i am still in shock atm. she's changed alot!

Im happy! (:

She asked me "How are you really taking this break up? Cause it seems like you're numbing yourself."

I answered her "I'm doing well! I have legitly let go of her." But i havent told her that i still have sooooo muchhh feelings for this girl.

I dont know how to tell her. I dont see a reason to tell her that.

So Angie, This is what i wanted to tell you, I missed you though i didnt look like it.

Something missing got found.

Still something is still missing because the one i love has left but i love her not because she was with me or anythign like that but because i just love her with everything i have and everything i had...

may God continue to bless you and your partner(s).

Keep it up!

CONGRATS on your one month!

Happy for you!

Congrats.

Keep it up! I wanna see 2months 3 months 1 year 2 years! hahaha

no legit!

hahaha congrats (:

God bless.

Marginal Pickled Peanuts

Life is interesting..

I went to a wedding a few days ago and i just remembered.. i kinda proposed to her... "wanna be my life partner?" hahah

just interesting i didnt realize i did.. (:

nothing just a thought.. hehehe

Interesting eh?

Prayer

Is a powerful thing.

When things are rough and you need someone to talk to but you dont wanna bother anyone, best person is God.

"Dear Heavenly Father,

I know I dont believe in you, but if you actually exist,..."

"in Jesus' name, Amen"

The middle part is whatever you wanna say! Doesnt matter what you're gunna say, you can even say, "father, im horny, i wanna get rid of it!" doesnt matter. example... never done it before but it's a good idea!

hahaha...

But yeah. it never hurts to try out you know (:

Pray for you. Care for you.

You

Will still always be there. In my heart.

Though i've let go, that doesnt mean i dont love you anymore.

I still love you soo much with everything i have. but you have moved on, so i moved on.

The relationship has ended but i hope after a bit, our friendship will last forever.

All i have is hope.

Though you dont need me anymore, I want you to know when there is no one there to support you, i will support you in whatever you do.

And therefore, you may go in peace with your partner because you'll be happier that way.

I know you hate this but Do what you want, you're still young explore and know what you want!

You will be there and you will always be in my prayers though you don't believe.

Letting Go

I believe that Song from Raymond Lam was interesting because that was what i believed. Well now that i think about it.

收藏在眼眸 常徘徊左右 愛猜到沒有
愉快玩笑後 能全然退後 你開心就夠


這種感覺太親厚 講一千句也不夠
假使講了你聽到後 或會走
這種戀愛太罕有 不須真正擁有
成全 衷心祝福然後 就放手


放手 放開所有 彼此更自由
放手 其實我絕非愛得不夠
放手 豁出所有 還有這個好友
已經 已經足夠

遙遠是宇宙 靜靜在背後 去看守就夠

這種感覺太親厚 講一千句也不夠
即使一剎有過衝動 挽你手
這種戀愛太罕有 不須真正擁有
成全 多捨不得仍然 是放手


放手 放開所有 彼此更自由
放手 其實我絕非愛得不夠
放手 豁出所有 還有這個好友
已經 已經足夠

放手 我的牽掛 找不到盡頭
放手 期望你幸福甚麼都有
也 愛很深厚 然而我早看得透
放手 至可擁有

The Chorus,
Let go .. Let go of everything. I feel freer this way.
Let go .. Not because I didn't love enough.
Let go .. Give up everything. If I still have you as a friend
It's .. enough

i dont know... 
yes, I feel freer,  but i know i didnt love you enough that you would leave me. I know i was holding you back for you to grow from your full potential. I know that if i have you as a friend, it would not go well for me in the short term, so i will be leaving.

But i have let go. You go on with your life. I will go on with mine. Maybe one day we will be friends again. 

I know i still have feelings for you but i know i will always have feelings for you, i will always love things about you, you're my first after all. 

I suck with emotions, i dont know how to express them. I will learn. but yeah. I will move on, and IMPROVE. dont you hold back your improvements.

My Goodness!

God Please help me!

Tomorrow is the start of VBS! Please guide me and use me to do Your Will.

Sorry for the things i've done to you and others.

Please forgive me.

Please help me let go.

Forgive and Forget.

Moses.

To be like Moses. I wanna be like Him. Following God. Having a family that loves him so much. I want to be able to do great things as well.. God please use me.

Help me to forgive.

Help me to let go.